Eating in Fancy Places

You know when you eat in a fine restaurant you expect cleanliness. I like to eat in places where I can see the kitchen. Then you know what you are getting.

One of my favorite places is Taco Bell. I'm very concerned with cleanliness and I can see everything they do. Last time I was there I ordered 3 beef tacos and a big burrito and a large coke.

The young lady that was preparing my food was not wearing the plastic gloves that they usually wear. She had just finished preparing a big order then she started to work on my order.

I almost yelled "Hey! where are your gloves?" but I didn't want her to spit in my food. I stood there and did some stand up kegel butt squeezes to relieve the tension. Plus I was hungry and I wanted my food quick.

Anyway she did wipe her gooey hands on her butt cheeks. Her jeans looked semi-clean except for some sour cream stains, so I let that pass too. I was pretty hungry as I had not eaten a thing since demolishing a bag of cheetos from the night before. I noticed my fingers were still a little orange looking and when no one was looking I licked them clean.

Finally she finished my order and brought the tray over. When she set the tray in front of me I noticed her fingernails were really filthy. Like someone who never has washed their hands or a mechanic who has just rebuilt a motor, they were black with dirt and grime and flecks of taco sauce. It was gross.

That was it for me. I was bursting with anxiety and anger and I said sternly, Can I please get some extra sour cream? She looked at me and said sure sweety and gave me a big toothless grin. I could not believe she called me sweety. And that smile was unforgettable.

When she brought back my sour cream she touched my arm like girls do when they like you.

I smiled and said thank you so much. I got her number and tonight we're going to eat at Popeyes.

I went on a sock hunting expedition...

I went on a sock hunting expedition in my bedroom.

I was down to my last sock, a brown one with argyle patterns on the side, and I needed to find a matching sock to wear to an important meeting I had scheduled with the Nigerian Ambassador.

I found one on a lamp, one under my bed, one between my pillows, and one stuck to a clean shirt hanging in my closet.

I found another in my dogs bed with holes chewed in it.

None of the socks matched the one I was wearing, but I was determined to find it.

I was sitting on the toilet, all bent over and doing my kegel exercises and something caught my eye.

It was the sock I needed, under my toilet. It was wet and stinky and had pubic hairs on it, (reminded me of an old girlfriend) but it matched the one I was wearing so I put it on.

I didn't have time to wash my hands so I wiped them on the dog and headed to my meeting. I could hardly wait to shake the ambassadors hand.

I brushed the hair out of my eyes and headed for the car.



Reprinted from Oddwally.com